In a shocking turn of events, it seems that Drew University has completely skipped over Thanksgiving and jumped straight into the Christmas spirit. Mariah Carey’s infamous holiday tune All I Want for Christmas Is You has been blaring through the speakers in the Commons 24/7.
This move has caused great distress to residents of nearby Welch Hall, who have been unable to sleep since the 1st of November due to the colossal inflatable Carey figure that has been built into the side of the Commons building that syncs its enormous floodlights to the tune.
One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, expressed their frustration with Drew’s Christmas deluge. “We haven’t been let back into Tolley after our fifth fire drill yet because they’re still decking the halls with boughs of holly. It’s just too much!”
To make matters worse, reports have already been flooding in that several Hoyt-Bowne residents have repeatedly sighted a large demonic Santa Claus barging in and out of their rooms, eating their Halloween candy and yelling an assortment of statements such as “You better not cry, I’m telling you why; Winter Break is coming to Drew!” and “HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HO-HO-HOMEWORK YET??”
The early Christmas fervour has sparked a heated debate on campus. Some students and faculty members argue that this premature holiday spirit is undermining the significance of other holidays, particularly spring class registration. They point out that the 6th November, a time for desperately hoping that your class isn’t full – not to mention for sprinting wildly across campus waving your computer over your head to find some semblance of an Internet connection amid Drew’s horribly swamped WiFi, is being overshadowed by the holly-jolly extravaganza.
As tensions rise on campus, it remains to be seen how the university will respond to the backlash. Only time will tell how this holiday saga unfolds, but for now, students can’t help but wonder if it’s too early to start writing their letters to Santa. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story.
