Student

Opinion: Why I Should Have Won the Performative Male Competition

Editors Pick, Student /

In recent months the concept of the performative male has been bursting in popularity. I thought it was silly, laughable that even men have to pretend to be into Clairo, read feminist literature, and drink matcha, I already do these things. I thought this, like many memes, would be a mere fad. That was until a Co-op put on a Performative Male Competition on MAC Avenue.

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POLL: 65% of U of a Students, When Asked About the Significance of Old Main, Replied by Saying Something About ‘the Alamo’

Campus, Student /

Back in March, with the 140th anniversary of the College coming up, our professional street interviewer team (not to be confused with our Ragebait TikTok street interviewer team) asked several students around the site of Old Main about what the building meant to them. This exercise likely just raised even more questions about how clueless each of the interviewees was

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Innovative CU Student Debuts Goat-Skin Chaps in what they call ‘Furry-Lite’

Student /

CU sophomore Connor Anderson has unveiled what he calls “Furry Lite,” a stripped-down, budget-friendly alternative to the full furry lifestyle. Instead of investing in an elaborate costume, Anderson debuted a pair of wool goat-skin, buttless chaps at last Friday’s student mixer, insisting the look was “both economical and breathable.”

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Student Who Has Been Blowing His Nose For Last Hour Starts To Wonder How He Could Possibly Have More Mucus Up There

Student /

Jordan, a Computer Science major, was minding his own business in his dorm room when the sudden urge to blow his nose overcame him. He initially believed that it meant his recent stint with the common cold was reaching its end, but he would soon prove to be mistaken. Every minute or so for the next 50 minutes he would have to blow his nose again, and after a while he began fearing that something was wrong. How could he possibly have that much mucus up his nose? His sinuses are only so big!

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Computer Majors Shocked to Hear Water’s Other Uses Beside Processing Chat GPT

Food, Student /

Sheply went further and further into his research as he typed in prompts into ChatGPT, asking about it. “Apparently, water is a major component in Red Bull, sodas, baking, and stuff. I’m actually 70% water, and I need that to live too. I totally forgot that!” Sheply then was curious about water by itself and actually drank it. He then washed it down with Root Beer.

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Students Claim Applying for on-Campus Job More Dificult Then off-Campus Job

Campus, Student /

Junior Kelly Jones applied for a job on campus, which she assumed would be easy: Helping people edit papers. She thought, “Okay, I’m good at all of this. I might not be super outgoing, but they do mention that they train students!” Excitedly, she went ahead and submitted an application.

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