Despite nearly a week away from finals, a recent tip indicated a student plotting revenge after an anonymous student stole their unassigned-assigned seating in a lecture. Initial reporting from witnesses claimed to see the student, “absolutely fuming with hot air coming out of their nose and ears,” immediately following the student’s seat relocation “was manically typing on their computer with their face scrunched up in anguish.”
An interview with the subject’s roommate caused more concern, as it seems this student is not merely planning revenge but also: world domination.
She said: “She was up really late last night, and then there was some red illumination with a black skull from her computer reflecting off her glasses. I don’t think she only has beef with that one student who stole her seat, I think she has beef with all of them.”
Moreover, a more concerning eyewitness account informed The Nut that the subject arrived suspiciously early to the lecture, and placed what could be described as booby traps and trip wires around the entire classroom. The subject was also seen carrying a “detonator button,” which our experts conclude would eject any student who steals a seat.
Our sources over at The Nut are keeping a keen eye on the situation. For the time being: make sure to sit where you always sit…
