An evening at GVSU residence hall took an unexpected turn this week after a student reported growing concerns about their roommate’s rapidly evolving relationship with Orange Fanta.
A relationship that–had it been with literally any other beverage–might have been less visually alarming.
It was no less visually alarming.
The concerned student explained that their roommate has been drinking exclusively Orange Fanta for approximately two months now, with no signs of slowing down or diversifying their liquid intake. What started as a casual one-bottle-a-day vending machine habit has somehow evolved into what can only be described as a full-scale Fanta dependency, with consumption rates now hovering around three to four bottles daily.
“At first I thought it was just a phase,” the roommate explained, gesturing vaguely at the mini fridge, which now contains nothing but Orange Fanta bottles stacked like aluminum ammunition. “Like how some people go through an iced coffee phase. But then I started noticing…the color.”
The color in question is orange. Specifically, a subtle but unmistakable orange tint that has allegedly begun appearing on the Fanta enthusiast’s skin, particularly noticeable under the fluorescent lighting that makes everything in the dorms look either dead or possessed, but in this case, possibly citrus-flavored.
The concerned roommate, operating on a hunch and a smartphone camera, took comparison photos from August versus the current day. The difference was described as “pretty obvious” and “kind of like when someone fake tans, but this is from the inside out.”
When confronted with the photographic evidence, the Orange Fanta devotee reportedly laughed it off, insisted everyone was overreacting, and claimed to feel “literally amazing, actually.” They went on to explain that Orange Fanta is essentially the same as water and probably healthier because it definitely has vitamin C or something.
The concerned roommate then suggested perhaps drinking actual water, or juice, or milk, or truly anything else that exists in liquid form. The suggestion was met with what witnesses describe as “polite but firm rejection” followed by the immediate opening of another Orange Fanta.
Desperate for backup, the concerned student brought the issue to their RA, armed with before-and-after photos that allegedly showed the visible shift in skin tone. The RA examined the evidence, nodded slowly, said something about making sure the student stays hydrated, then walked away without elaborating on whether Orange Fanta counts as hydration.
The Orange Fanta student has since doubled down on their beverage choices and has begun purchasing bottles in bulk from the Meijer on Lake Michigan Drive.
Please keep them in your thoughts.
